Fourth Miscarriage (December 2017)

Date:  July 8, 2018

I thought I’d do a blog post on my fourth miscarriage.  A lot was going on at the time, and I was so upset that I didn’t do one right after it happened, but I’ve done blog posts on all of the other ones so I’d like to do one on this one as well.  This was another chemical pregnancy and it happened in December of 2017.  I found out I was pregnant on Saturday, December 23rd so it was right before Christmas, and was the perfect Christmas gift.  It was a really exciting and busy month. Pretty much every weekend we had something going on; we had Andrew’s work party, my niece’s birthday party, Andrew’s grandmother’s birthday party, a neighborhood Christmas Party, and Andrew had a business trip as well. 

It was a crazy busy month, and I also got pregnant.  I go a little crazy when it comes to taking pregnancy tests, and had some cheap Wondfo tests leftover from my past pregnancies, so I took one everyday to see if the line was getting darker and if my hcg level was increasing.  The line did get darker at first, but then just stopped getting darker, and stayed the same, so I thought it was going to be another chemical pregnancy, and about eight days later on December 31^st, New Years Eve, I ended up having a miscarriage. 

We were visiting friends in Northern VA, and were celebrating New Years with them, and I ended up having a miscarriage on that trip.  I expected it to happen though because I had had chemical pregnancies in the past where the line on my pregnancy test did not get darker.  I was very sad, but relieved at the same time, because I didn’t think it was going to work out, and was waiting and waiting for it to happen, so I was happy when it did, and that the pregnancy didn’t progress even longer like two of my other pregnancies had.  I just did not think the pregnancy was going to work out, and did not want to go through what I had with those pregnancies.  This ended up being my fourth miscarriage, and with each miscarriage my anxiety got worse, and I had some really bad mood changes due to hormone fluctuations.  The 4^thmiscarriage was really hard and sad, just like the others, but we decided not to take as long of a break from trying like we had with the others, and tried a few months later, and ended up getting pregnant again right away.

I am very happy and thankful that this pregnancy is going so well, and can’t wait to meet our baby boy in November!  We worked really hard to get to this point, and pray that it continues to go well.  So far, everything has being going great.  I couldn’t have asked for a better pregnancy.  I feel amazing, and haven’t had bad anxiety, but do worry from time to time.  Having miscarriages is really hard.  Maybe I’ll do a blog post about coping with it.  It’s super scary, and every time I would get pregnant, I would always think it wasn’t going to work out.  Even now, I sometimes struggle with believing it will work out, but now I feel him kicking all the time, and I’ve gotten this far in my pregnancy and am hopeful that it will!  If anyone else is going through a similar situation feel free to leave me a comment or message me if you’d like someone to talk to.